tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9124618642984887009.post2228247381278792805..comments2023-10-14T09:31:43.919-04:00Comments on Stellar Parenting 101: Becoming a Mom again?stellarparenting.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04975942737904876508noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9124618642984887009.post-70273300774454424302010-05-02T22:35:19.121-04:002010-05-02T22:35:19.121-04:00I know exactly what you're talking about. DH ...I know exactly what you're talking about. DH and I adopted DD 9 years ago, when she was 8 and I was "only" 34. I knew that after we got into a "routine" (yah right, I know) with her, I wanted bio kids too. Well, DD "settled in" right around the time DH became unstable and was eventually diagnosed as bipolar. By the time he was finally on the right meds, and I could take a second to think again, I was 40. Fertility tests have now told me/us that it will be very difficult for us to conceive, probably not likely at this point. And I'm afraid that with DH's diagnosis, it will be very difficult to adopt, too. When I take the time to really think about the injustice of it all and the choices I might have made differently if I had had a crystal ball (like maybe I should've started working on bio kids and then MOVED ON to adoption....) I grieve. It's so unfair. But then I try to count my blessings. There are people worse off than me, for sure.Carolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13675829827137657056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9124618642984887009.post-8871896973255581752010-04-30T15:50:36.073-04:002010-04-30T15:50:36.073-04:00Those are all tough questions that don't have ...Those are all tough questions that don't have any concrete answers. The reason there are no concrete answers is that they are different for every person. What is right for one may not be for the other.<br /><br />Whatever ends up being the right decision for you, don't let fear and "what ifs" dictate the choice. Reality is there is no way to know how it will turn out. There's no way to know how it will affect your boys. There are no guarantees everything will be just fine, nor is there any firm reason to believe that something bad will happen because of it. It might work and be the most wonderful blessing your family has ever seen or experiences...or it might be one of the biggest challenges. If you trust math and statistics, though, your chances are much higher that it will be the former rather than the latter. <br /><br />I've ridden all the roller coasters myself. After 5 years of infertility, we were blessed with our beautiful bio daughter. There's no rhyme, reason, or answers as to why she came along or why we weren't blessed with more bio babies after her. But we are grateful for her. We're grateful we had the opportunity to experience the whole process of pregnancy and birth and having a newborn. My pregnancy with her wasn't the easiest and there were some touch and go moments. But all ended well.<br /><br />We then tried for another 3.5 years after she was born to have more bio kids. It wasn't to be. So, we closed the door on that chapter of our lives and locked it tight. We then moved forward with our plans to adopt.<br /><br />Who knew that it would take 5 more years? Who knew we'd end up with RAD? Who knew it would be so exhausting, so frustrating, and so rewarding? Who knew it would forever alter my life...for better and for worse?<br /><br />Personally, I am glad we exhausted all our options (not every single one out there, just the ones WE felt were right for US) for having bio children. I'm glad we were able to experience all the ups and downs and ins and outs (and even the heartaches, too.) I couldn't always say that, and especially not at the time, but I can now. Through those experiences we KNEW when we were supposed to be done.<br /><br />Yes, it was HARD and yes, there was a big time grieving process to go through after shutting that door, (a process that is much like accepting RAD, actually...its hard, it hurts, and most people around you don't get it.) But I'm glad I had the chance to do it. I'm glad I was able to let the whole infertility thing go and make friends with it, so to speak. We'll never be pals, but we now we have a much better understanding of each other and fully accept each other for who and what we are.<br /><br />But most importantly, I never, ever wonder or long for "what might have been." I don't need to. I already know.<br /><br />Best wishes on your decisions!Dianahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08444891084585965661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9124618642984887009.post-55809749470888443812010-04-30T14:45:29.622-04:002010-04-30T14:45:29.622-04:00I once faced that decision, or at least a similar ...I once faced that decision, or at least a similar one.I could have babies, but each would have a 50% of having the hereditary bone disease my sister and I have. At twenty four, I chose not to. There have only been a few times when I revisited that decision. It is never easy and always personal. GB was 4 months when she became ours, but the prenatal damage was already done and added to 4 months of neglect, she was never "normal". Yes, I would like to understand what people are talking about when they discus their pregnancies. Just not enough to role the genetic dice. I will pray for that poor family. I can only imagine what they are going through.GB's Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08866513131959998883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9124618642984887009.post-43070316101523893312010-04-30T14:44:13.639-04:002010-04-30T14:44:13.639-04:00I would like to say that these feelings go away, b...I would like to say that these feelings go away, but I don't know as they do. I have felt such deep grief in the last year or so with "Daniel's" disruption and dealing with Vivi that I think about pregnancy and wish that I would accidentally (not likely with an IUD) get pregnant so that I could have another baby. Because I long for that nurturing and attachment and the ease with which it happens with a baby; your baby that you grow and love and nurture right from conception; one that GETS everything it needs. <br /><br />And yet, I do not have it in me to plan a baby and have a baby and criminy, I am THIRTY-EIGHT and that is just getting a little old for babies given that my other "baby" is in high school.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com