Moving on Up

Guess what!

I had a crappy few days and so guess what I did...

Bought a blog domain and moved! Adjust your readers and follow me at http://www.stellarparenting.com/

I have not posted anything new there yet but I am working on something and I am slowly but surely moving all my stuff from here to there. Excuse my dust while I get organised over there.

Monday Moments

• it is Calvin's 11th birthday today. Those of you who are parenting kids like mine know that birthdays can bring out the crazies in our kids in a special way. The lead up to today was no exception, he has been one tough nut these last 2 weeks. 
• He pulled it together last night for a family meal and celebration and did not freak out when I forgot the chocolate chips int he pancakes this morning so hopefully we will all get through the day in one piece. 
• He lost the privilege of having a party with friends because he refused to follow some pretty basic rules both at home and at school. He will be mad about for some time to come but he is beginning to realise that I usually follow through on my word. 
• I regret starting the tradition of having parties with my kids. I know that it is a normal part of growing up but they always cause so many behaviour issues that I feel like it is not worth the hassle. A small event with 1 or 2 friends would much more reasonable and causes a whole lot less behaviour. 
• School ends on Thursday, I have mixed feelings about that. 
• Fudge has been leaving me love notes, it is so sweet and it warms my heart to know that he is FINALLY attaching to me, not that it has been a long road or anything. 
• I am trying to make some plans for cottage trips and camping to help keep me sane over the next 2 months. 
• The men with big trucks are still digging up my front yard, the 3 days of rain that we had sort of put a stop to things - it will be done soon, it will be done soon, it will be done soon - right. 
• I have been working on creating an office space for me in our house, I finally have it all painted and it is starting to look good, pictures soon. 
• Gotta take Calvin to school cause when you get kicked off the bus for the rest of the year they do not make an exception on your birthday. 

Monday Moments

• I know it has been a week and here I am really posting about nothing 7 days after I last posted about nothing. 
• There are things going on, everything is fine but busy and when I can discuss it here I will. 
• Some stories are not mine to share. 
• There are orange spray paint marks all over my lawn and a  hole dug and a backhoe. 
• We are spending thousands of dollars getting a new septic put it - lucky us. 
• It is going to be messy. 
• The boys like the holes and the equipment though. 
• I have to try to get laundry done tonight because I am about to have very minimal septic service for a few days. 
• I taught today, I love kindergarten, they make me happy even though they are exhausting. 
• I wish dinner would cook itself, not likely. 
• I have not been online much at all this last week so if you need me or wanted something drop me an email cause that is all I am really checking. 

Monday Moments

• oh summer, how I love you. 
• It has been beautiful here in the great white north, it clearly is not white given that it has been over 40 Celsius  I have no idea what that is in Fahrenheit but it is hot. 
• That was last week though, it is lovely and cool today. 
• I plan on painting the rest of my hallway. 
• I am looking forward to school being finished, yes I just said I was looking forward to it. 
• I know I will eat my words in a few weeks but I'm ready for a break from the routine of it all. 
• The boys are doing surprisingly well ( given that school is ending), there have been a few huge bumps in the last few weeks but things seem to of leveled back out. 
• I like level and predictable children. 
• Fudge told me I was cruel yesterday, I commended him on his choice of words, he didn't like that. 
• I was happy that he actually voiced his frustration though rather than just swallowing it like he usually does and cruel is such a good word to describe when your Mom sends you to your room to cool down because you are screaming at everyone around you. I was so out of line. 
• Circle of Moms is doing a top 25 Adoption bloggers list and some of my favourite people are on it, go vote for Christine, Essie, Dinah, Courtney, Adoption magazine, Last Mom, Megan, Kristen and Keri. You do not have to sign up or anything, just click on the little thumbs up. 
• I joined Corey's 500 club which is a fundraiser for the Orlando scholarship fund but is also a way to get off my butt and get some exercise. I am biking and giving myself some credit for all the gardening as well. 
• I must go take Calvin to school and really doing that in my pj's might not be such a good plan. 

A love story

I have a story to share today, it is a good one, some of you have heard it before but I share it again because I love that it is our story. 

Twelve Septembers ago, in the fall of my third year of "higher education" I sat in a class at a university were the majority of the students were male ( I called them boys) and female students were few and far between. In this particular class, History of the First 5 Centuries, there were 4 other women. I sat with 2 of them at a table near the back next to the window. Behind me sat 2 men who I had yet to meet. One was my age with a babyface, the other older than I and quick to crack a joke. I took them in as just another couple of guys at a school where that was the norm. As it turned out they were both Roman Catholic seminarians in their first year of studies. 

The semester moved along and we joked with one another and made cracks about other students, professors and life in general. Fall led into Winter and I became friends with those "boys" who sat behind me. We had other classes together and began to meet in the cafe at coffee breaks. They were nice enough boys and the joker made me laugh. The joker began spending more time with me and a few of my friends, he fit right in with our left leaning liberal views and our deisre to change the world.   

3rd year turned into 4th and the joker and I had more classes together, I used to copy his notes when I skipped class. I confided in him about the boy I had a crush on as they were friends and I thought maybe he could hook us up. I invited him to parties at my house, including my 25th birthday party when he gave me a miniature telescope so that I could always see my dreams. He was great friend and I felt lucky to have him in my life. 

In my last year of univeristy I was on a different campus and didn't see him to often, we saw one another at parties and the occasional school function. That summer he and his teenage son helped me move and around the same time he decided that being a priest was not what he wanted and instead began a master's degree.

As I struggled to find a  teaching job we kept in touch and got together with other friends occasionally. When I decided to leave for Asia he stored my stuff, bought my TV and came to my going away party. We kept in touch over email. I confided in a number of friends that if I was older or he was younger I would marry him. He didn't seem interested though and so off I went to Korea with his email address and a miniature telescope.

We kept in touch while I was gone, I missed him but I missed everyone as I was so far away. I came home 18 months later and he was the first one to call and welcome me back. We saw each other soon after for coffee and then a few days later for dinner. I muttered to my friends about him and wondered if maybe I was missing something. Days turned into weeks and we were spending more and more of our free time in one anothers company.

Before I knew it I tripped, fell and was in love with the joker, the one who I told about all the other boys that I liked. The one who laughed at my corny jokes, drove me home on cold winter days and worried about me when I was overseas alone. Fall led into winter again and by the time Christmas came we were engaged.

We were married, enjoyed one another alone for 2 years and then adopted Fudge and Calvin. I could not ever imagine doing this parenting dance with anyone else. He gets it, he understand it and more importatnly he is committed to being a therapeutic parent. 

Five years ago today we were married and so, to celebrate the fact that I love the man I married and that I have never been as sure of anything as in my life as I am about him I share with you. 

Don`t Forget

I am always reminding my kids to remember things

Don`t forget your homework or your lunch. Don`t forget to treat your brother with respect. Remember that if you continue to behave that way there will be a consequence. Don`t forget you have a doctors appointment today and I am picking you up early. Remember that we can talk about that at therapy. 

It is part of being a parent. I am always trying to remember the next therapy/doctor/school appointment. I am reminding myself to buy milk and to make sure that I defrost some thing for supper. I remind myself not to yell at my kids and to be more patient with Fudge. I try not to forget not to get lost in the shuffle and to take care of myself as well as my family, the house, and work. 

Sometimes though in the business of being a parent to kids who have busy lives and lots of challenging behaviour I forget that they are children and sometimes we need to let loose and have a little fun....

The rest is at Hopeful Parents, head on over. Publish Post

Monday Moments

• some of my favourite Trauma Mamas are in the running for Circle of Moms top 25 Adoption Blogs, go vote for them. 
• I learned this week that  Fudge is near sighted in one eye and far sighted int he other and he needs glasses which makes him happy cause then he is just like the rest of us.
•  I also think that he might have Auditory Processing Disorder, it would explain a lot of things, he does just about single thing on that list except for the poor spelling. 
• I shampooed our hallway carpet today, I will say I had to do it 3 times. I will also say that childless couples should have to children over to visit before they are ever allowed to purchase white carpet. 
• I borrowed this from a friend to do the job, it is fantastic and I heart Hoover. 
• I have most of my garden in but there is still seeds to plant and it is moving very slowly. 
• there are not enough hours in my day. 
• I decided a little while ago that I need to get off my butt and get moving. My joint pain is a factor though and the best thing for me is cycling or swimming but both presented challenges until a bike appeared at my home last week.
• Now I have no  excuses, I joined some great women in raising money for Orlando and although I might not make it to 500 miles I will get somewhere. There are lots of others in on it to but I am not sure if anyone else has blogged about it. 
• I must go get ant traps and kids, in that order, guess why I need ant traps? I'll give you a hint, it has to do with a little boy who was mad at his Mom so he opened gf granola bars and left them under the bath tub... 

chaos

Fudge thrives on chaos. I think that it makes him feel calmer inside to know that everything around him is turned upside down. He has spent a great deal of that last week of his life creating chaos both at home and elsewhere. I am worn out and close to the edge, I have yelled at him more times than is good and now I am paying the price because he knows that he is annoying me so he just keeps doing it.

Luckily for me P was home last night and I was in a good mood this morning and P was home this morning as well and we out crazied his crazy behaviour and moved on. He was going on and on about being yelled at even though no one yelled at him so I had him close his eyes,I spun him around, put his hands on his head, stick out his tongue and say I love you. It worked, it broke the pattern but oh my he was making me crazy.

Last night he turned a little tiny thing into a huge 20 minute tantrum, it was really just a little thing that he did to annoy Calvin, no one was mad we just wanted him to repeat what he said... you would think that we pulled a gun on him the way he reacted to the simple request to repeat himself. Dinner was late, we listened to him yell, both boys were in tears and P and I just stood there looking at one another wondering when we got an invite to live in crazytown - who lives like this - trauma mamas and papas that's who.

I am a better parent when I have had enough sleep, caffeine, food and P is home. I can parent just fine without P but he helps keep things calm by dealing with Fudge's increasing behaviours and at least 3 times this week I have needed him to deal with Fudge because other wise I would just yell at him.

Fudge can trigger my anger in a way that shocks and worries me. He knows how to push my buttons in a way that I have never encountered in a small person before. I know that, it helps that I know that because it allows me to process his behaviour and it also helps me to step away and let someone else deal with him.

Today when we were at the optometrist I sent Fudge in to the exam room alone because I knew that if we were together I would just constantly be telling him to stop playing with things and fidgeting while the optometrist was going to be a whole lot more patient than I was. I sat in the waiting room and knit instead until I had to go in because he needs glasses, like his brother, which is a whole different post for a different day.

It has been hard to learn where my edge with Fudge but I know now and whenever I can I pass the reigns to P. I  need to say that I commend single parents, I do not know how you do it, really I have no idea. I also need to say that P keeps me sane and makes me be a better parent. Sometimes we disagree but mostly we are on the same parenting page and that makes being a mother to my boys a whole lot easier.

well it could be worse

It has been a rough two of days around here. The crapiness culminated last night when I lost it at Fudge. I am human, I lose my temper, it happens. I apologised and we moved on but I know that my losing it undoes months of work with him. It was frustrating because the I had maintained my composure in the face of both of them working hard to get me to yell at them after they got busted for sneaking Cokes. I was not be baited and I just went about my afternoon with both of them within 5 feet of me. Then Fudge pushed a little to hard and I blew, it was a bit like Mt. Vesuvius and it was not pretty. After I blew I called P and luckily for all of us he was on his way home.

We rehashed what had gone on with Fudge ( then he was sent to bed) and then Calvin. Calvin is in a much different place that Fudge in terms of healing and what started out as discussion about behaviour turned into a conversation about abandonment and his birth parents. It needed to happen and although there was a lot of "poor me" going on there was also truth in what he was saying. He needs to talk about it and even though his timing was less than stellar it is good that he talking to us. We got him through the hard part and on to the good parts and the day ended on positive note.

The sun came up this morning as it always does and  I was still mad at them over yesterday. I managed to keep things in check but I did tell them that I was upset by their choices. We got through our morning without to much drama and then I walked outside and discovered this lovely mess.

 That would be grass seed in my flower bed, yes the one that I am constantly picking the grass out of.

 And if you look here you will notice that the lovely critter who did this opened and spread not 1 but 2 bags.

Luckily for me most of the larger bag was still in the bag and it did not rain last night so I managed to get a lot of it cleaned up. But holy hannah I was MAD at something - probably a raccoon.

I am off to run errands in the city and then go for an afternoon margarita with a dear friend. I can assure you it will only be one but after the last couple of days I wish it was a pitcher!

Monday Moments

• I have a post up at Adoption Magazine today, it's an oldie but a goodie. 
• I spent 3 days camping in the rain with 103 beavers, cubs and scouts, plus a lot of leaders and parents, it was good. 
• It rained though and there was a lot of mud. 
• Mud makes beavers happy, they were very cute. 
• I have a long week stretching out before me and at this very moment it does not seem like it is going to be a busy one and that makes me happy. 
• I will spend time getting the last of the garden in. 
• I still have a lot of seeds to plant. 
• Orlando registration is coming up soon if you were thinking about going or want to learn more I would encourage you to go read up before Wednesday. I think it will fill up fast. 
• We need to spend way to much replacing our septic system, I am not happy because I would really rather be spending that money on something else than a very expensive hole in the ground. 
• When you have been away from the internet for 3 days it is impossible to catch up on all the tweets you missed. 
• A cold gf beer after 3 days of camping is really nice to come to. 
• So is the last of the asparagus from my garden.
• Must go build a fire in our fire pit and mow some lawn for our last cub meeting tonight.