Friday, November 6, 2009

lying, thieving and deceiving, oh my!

Gotta laugh at yourself because you would cry your eyes out if you didn't - Indigo Girls

I imagine based on the title that you can guess what happened around here yesterday! Calvin has a restricted diet*, partially because of behaviour, partially because I think organic whole foods are good and partially to keep things moving through him. Calvin does not like that he does not get all the other stuff other kids get, Calvin thinks he is in charge and control, Calvin thought that he could outsmart me. Calvin was wrong!

Let's back up, Calvin like most AD kids has food issues, he is often worried that there is not going to be food and that I am not going to take of his needs by making sure that he fed. He also can be picky about food and dislikes that he does not get to choose what he eats all the time. We try hard to strike a balance and I make an effort to make sure that school lunches are things that they like and not to different from everyone else’s.

That being said Calvin has always played the poor me card at school to get extra snacks from the snack bin ( processed food full of white flour and sugar that he gets in controlled amounts here). I know that when he was foster care he had his teacher write notes home about how hungry he was and how they needed to send more food to school. It is a card he plays whenever he can, well he played until yesterday when he got caught, again. We have had lots of discussions about not getting food at school in the past year and he knew how we felt.

He did not know that I was coming to his school yesterday, he did not know that I would be standing outside his classroom when he arrived late with a mouth full of food, food that he got from breakfast club, food he is not allowed to have. I let it go in the moment. I spent my morning reading with kids and then came home, talked to P about our monster son and decided on a course of action.

At the end of the day I went back to get Calvin a little early so that I could talk to some of the support staff and inform them that he was not to eat food from school, it was medically necessary and they were not to feed him under any circumstances at breakfast club. Then I busted the kid, he was a little taken a back by the fact that I was in the school again and that I had out all the puzzle pieces together and figured out the little scam he was running.

I calmly explained to my little angel that the gig was up, he was busted and that was the end of food at school, full stop. He would not be getting so much a candy from a teacher at school anymore. I would bring in some suitable treats for him for special occasions but that not a ounce of sugar would cross his lips unless it came from me. He handled it very well, he started to rage ( when we got home) but when he did not get the desired response he suffered in silence for awhile and then came and lay his head on my chest and cried. We talked about how it was my job to meet his needs and take care of him. I would feed him each and every day and I would do my best to make sure that he still didn't have to eat straw and grass at every meal.

He accepted it all, went on with his afternoon, while I wrote and extensive note in his agenda about his medically necessary diet ( I did not write about attachment, trauma and food though). Then I made dinner and went on with the night time routine. He was great the whole time, not a moment of rage. When I put him to bed I commented about the day and he said "I got caught red handed" - I suppressed a giggle - yup buddy you did but you have handled it with grace so good for you.

He went off to school this morning with more food in his lunch bag than one 9 year old could ever eat but he sure will not be able to say that he is hungry!

Aside from that we have had a great week, well except for the parts that were not great, I have a had a few Stellar Parenting moments, like this morning when Fudge admitted to having a wet Pull-up because he was to lazy to get out of bed and go pee in the night. So we had a discussion about wanting to lie around/sit around in wet pj's/pull up and he said he didn't care, so I said great, got a glass of water and poured it on his pants so he could sit around in wet clothes, you know since he likes to - he was mad, really mad but I think he got the message. I did give him dry pants to go to school in though and he is done wearing pull ups to bed!

There was also the moment when he spit on Calvin a number of times just because he thought it would be fun, after he practiced spitting in the sink for awhile he didn't think it was so fun anymore.

But he also said at therapy when we talking about senses that "my Mom smells like love", so I guess it has been a pretty good week cause that made it worth it.

*C has been on a high fiber diet for awhile and has daily Miralax as well in an attempt to get his colon to heal without surgery ( those of you who have AD kids know what I am talking about, the rest of you don't want the details, trust me.) which will be where we end up if we can't get his body to heal on it's own. Regardless of why he is on a special diet he is and that is just the way it is.


Lisa said...

Red handed....hilarious!

K said...

Oh my "smell like love" how simply awesome marvelous stupendoud that must feel

Shauna said...

High wire parenting at it's best!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Somehow I missed this post- omg I am honestly laughing out loud that you poured a glass of water on his pants. Good one! Genea and Teena do the same thing at night, once in a while they actually confess straight up that is what they did. Ugh. If it werent for the dang bunk beds I would let them lay in it all night but oh oh oh how I hate to remake that stupid bunk bed with sheets!!!!