I've been busy and am just catching up on blog reading. A few comments: 1) Bravo for Calvin admitting he hit and stating the feeling that made him hit. 2) Once he cools down, can he get to the feeling "under the anger." Whatever the kid did, it probably made Calvin feel some other, scarier emotion. 3) Maybe if Calvin can start to identify the more difficult feeling, he can then deal with that feeling appropriately. 4) I realize that 2 and 3 require extreme impulse control -- it is only after 2.5 years of (mostly) the right kind of parenting for him that we have seen our P be able to exercise that degree of impulse control, and only about 10% of the time. 5) Something our school has is a couselor. Our psychologist suggested that P see her to work on three socialization-related goals: a) learn and practice age-appropriate social interaction, (b) feel boosted self-esteem toward the goal of (a) and (c), and (c) learn how to fend off appropriately some of the bullying he was the victim of. Having the school work so narrowly on these focussed things has made a world of difference in our lives and in P's school life and behaviour. The couselor sees him about once a cycle, and their work together is really proving to be productive. Get in touch with me if you want more on this. 6) I am right there with you on wanting to figure out the ways to help our boys accept themselves and find beauty, deservedness, goodness, and self-worth plentifully within themselves. This is the hardest part, in my view. I wonder about how much of what we're doing with P is simply behaviour modification and how much is really the needed self-worth piece that I think is the basic essential thing. 7) I am planning to do the link/post about Corey's bracelets, prompted by you, but I won't get to it until sometime next week. Thanks very much for the incentive.
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I've been busy and am just catching up on blog reading. A few comments:
1) Bravo for Calvin admitting he hit and stating the feeling that made him hit. 2) Once he cools down, can he get to the feeling "under the anger." Whatever the kid did, it probably made Calvin feel some other, scarier emotion. 3) Maybe if Calvin can start to identify the more difficult feeling, he can then deal with that feeling appropriately. 4) I realize that 2 and 3 require extreme impulse control -- it is only after 2.5 years of (mostly) the right kind of parenting for him that we have seen our P be able to exercise that degree of impulse control, and only about 10% of the time. 5) Something our school has is a couselor. Our psychologist suggested that P see her to work on three socialization-related goals: a) learn and practice age-appropriate social interaction, (b) feel boosted self-esteem toward the goal of (a) and (c), and (c) learn how to fend off appropriately some of the bullying he was the victim of. Having the school work so narrowly on these focussed things has made a world of difference in our lives and in P's school life and behaviour. The couselor sees him about once a cycle, and their work together is really proving to be productive. Get in touch with me if you want more on this. 6) I am right there with you on wanting to figure out the ways to help our boys accept themselves and find beauty, deservedness, goodness, and self-worth plentifully within themselves. This is the hardest part, in my view. I wonder about how much of what we're doing with P is simply behaviour modification and how much is really the needed self-worth piece that I think is the basic essential thing. 7) I am planning to do the link/post about Corey's bracelets, prompted by you, but I won't get to it until sometime next week. Thanks very much for the incentive.
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