It's a journey

We are nearing the one year anniversary of the boys adoption day, just a few short weeks away and it has made me start to think about the journey of the last 19 months and of all that it has been.

When we first met Calvin and Fudge it was in a foster home, a foster home they had been moved to in anticipation of us saying yes to the adoption ( that is a really long story), it was a great place and the foster parents were great as well. I refer to their house as club med because they have a pool, run a theraputic riding program and are fabulous theraputic parents.

 I clearly remember the day we went there to meet them, we had already met the foster parents and talked with them at length about the upcoming move. When we arrived the kids were in the living room, Fudge refused to even look at us and Calvin bounced around all excited. We stayed for about an hour and P finally coaxed Fudge out of the foster mama's lap when he got out his cell phone to put the boys birthdays in. We talked about upcoming visits and were on our way. It was a little bit surreal. I had just met my children and now I was leaving and going home to my quiet house.

We had lots of visits with the kids and slowly Fudge started to come out of his shell. This picture is the first day we took them out. It was cold and wet, we went to the park and for ice cream. The look on Fudge's face was the one we saw all the time.  Next time we took them to the water park in town and for the first time we saw him smile and laugh as he played in the water.

I think that was a turning point for him, the point when he realised that this might be ok. Calvin was a different story all together. It would be months before we saw the real Calvin. He gave us glimpses us who he was but they were little and until we started to see who he really was last fall we had no idea of what was hiding inside. We only saw the scared little boy who wiped poop on furniture and broke things, like P's toe when he was angry. We saw a little boy who had learned to be very manipulative and was really hurting over all the things that he had lost and all the things that had happend to him.

Now, 19 months later they are like different kids. Fudge is happy, cute ( which saves his ass all the time) and addicted to reading. I actually have to yell at him to put the book down - who ever thought I would be yelling at a kid to stop reading! He is doing all the things he should be doing, he is building attachments (although he fights it), he is making friends and learning how to be a "fun to be around" kid.

Calvin has developed a wicked sense of humour and loves making others laugh. He is learning to control his anger and that there are lots of other great emotions to feel besides just scared. He is making huge strides in his attachments with us and with other people who are a part of our world. He is secure enough to tell us how he is feeling when things have been tough at school. He is one brave little boy.

Some days are tough, some days are exhausting, some days start out with my kids singing "All you Need Love" and at the end of each long day I have to remember that they are right.