Friday, May 28, 2010

a week

Last week I wrote a post about needing to have a good cry, well it has been a whole week and this morning I still feel a lot like I did last Friday because my kids are struggling and I am struggling along with them and it is hard. This parenting gig is hard.

Calvin was brutal yesterday, his chronological and developmental ages were years apart and after spending a whole day a track meet with him (so that he could go), he acted like a toddler all afternoon. He had managed to score some candy from some "sweet parent" and so he was hyper as well as totally disregulated. Then he had therapy, can you say recipe for disaster, I can. That being said though he did not rage although he was angry a few times and had to be sent away from Fudge to cool off.

Wednesday was not to much better,  he managed to make himself throw up at school by chugging 2 bottles of water in quick succession and had to come home. I am not sure if he knew that it would happen or if it just did but he has figured it out now, I wonder if there will be a repeat performance. As a result he had to finish the provincial writing test at home, lucky me, it was 1 hour of redirecting him so that he would write 2 paragraphs. It was brutal.

Fudge is dancing  on my last nerve as well, he is attaching, it is wonderful and brutal all at the same time and I am so tired of the constant testing and tattling and checking in. I get it, I understand it, I want to support him and love him and hold him because that is what he deserves but the truth is I'm not because I am exhausted and overwhelmed with the behaviour and I am not really being the parent he needs me to be right now because I just can not find it. I know that it is there, but I as usual Calvin sucks it all up and by the time I get to Fudge there is little left, his willful defiance and attention getting behaviours just result in me getting mad rather responding in a way that would actually be healing.

Tomorrow we have cub activities all day, Sunday we have church and the Sunday School picnic, back to school on Monday and our last cub meeting is on Monday, then I can slow down and take a deep breath, well at least I hope I can.

PS I am in on Christine's attachment challenge but I am not starting till Sunday because I have to get through the next 2 days and tomorrow neither of the boys will be near me so it would be really hard to. Sunday will be day 1 and I will keep you posted. If you are parenting kids like mine go on over and get the scoop, you should do it as well, I can tell you right now Fudge needs more hugs!


Christine said...

*holding up banner saying "You can do it!" and doing a back flip*

GB's Mom said...

I am taking Christine's Attachment Challenge, too. When my J was around your boys' ages, I hired a High school student (male) for two afternoons a week to keep then physically active and engaged. It worked well. I am impressed that Christine can do a back flip for you. I wold if I could, but I can't, so {{{Hugs}}} will have to do.

Jennie said...

i'm doing the challenge too.
this is fun everyone being on the same page. I want to kiss christine and kick her butt all at the same time. LOL

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Wow, it sounds like you all have definately had a really tough time lately! I hope it gets better soon. Like, MUCH better!

Mom 4 Kids said...

Don't sell yourself short, you are doing an amazing job! Looking forward to following along with the attachment challenge progress!

Hugs to you friend!

K- floortime lite mama said...

Good luck J
I just wish I could give you a big hug
It all sounds so busy and overwhelming

Misty said...

i am glad you are doing the challenge! I am starting tomorrow too, but only because i only learned about it today... It's all so beautiful and disgusting. And sometimes it's just disgusting... I keep hoping that someday there will just be beautiful around the bend. Hang in there... which means nothing, but I don't quite know what else to say.