Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Good enough?

Being a parent is challenging, inspiring, breathtaking and exhausting. It wears me down and pumps me up all at the same time.

I love my children from the tips of their toes to the tops of their heads but they exhaust me physically and emotionally most days. In the past few weeks I have felt like I am running on a treadmill and there is no way off. I am exhausted and weary and yet I must keep on running. The treadmill feels gets faster and faster and I keep moving but I am not getting anywhere.

When I stand in line to pick up my kids after school I look around at all the other mothers, they have it all together, they look good, their children are clean and their outfits match, their cars look like they just came off the lot. and no one runs into the road without looking for cars first. It is a bit like a scene from a TV show and I am not only not in the cast but I was not even invited to the set.

I stand there waiting for my son feeling as though there is no way that I will ever have it all together. I have dirt on my knees from the garden, my car has not seen a vacuum in well over a year and I am lucky if my kid comes home with both of his shoes and without new holes in his clothes. I am exhausted all the time. I am dreading the 4 hours until I can send them to bed. I am not looking forward to doing dishes, laundry or breaking up an argument. I do not want to find out about another bad day at school, a failed test or an incident with another student. I do not want to make a exciting dinner and a fun after school snack like Joey’s mom does, there will be no crackers and pretzels made into a spider around here. There will be peanut butter on a rice cake and bacon, eggs and toast for dinner because P is working late and that is what we are having. You will play outside while I finish the dishes, bring in the laundry, watering the garden and getting ready for the meeting I have tonight...

The rest is at Hopeful Parents, head on over.


waldenbunch said...

I know exactly where you are. And somedays it has to be enough because that's all there is. Yet we get up and keep trying and hoping and praying. One foot in front of the other. Because we love them.

Little Wonder said...

ok, you are so not alone! I had always wanted to be one of those working moms who wears heels and gets her hair done...and I did that...once...for 6 weeks...and I missed my children so much that I quit and went back to living a life of baby spit-up, dirty diapers and FREE PLAY TIME!

I don't do cutesy well, so I don't even try anymore.

It is just not only "good enough" it is our BEST and what more could we possibly give?!

You keep doing what you do best!

GB's Mom said...

I rarely even want to be invited to the set any more, because truthfully, while being perfectly nice, I find it boring. I do the best I can for my kids, cherish the friends God does send me, and leave the "normal" world to go its own way.

Megan said...

Reading through tears. Right there with you today. (and most days here lately for that matter!)

Rose Adoption Journey said...

Just yesterday I was noticing how dirty our car was...mostly in the back seat because Thing 1 and Thing 2 get it that way(even though they are 14 and 15). I think about how exhausted I am every day for the last 6 years and it isnt going to stop soon. there is a good chance #1 isnt going to be moving out anytime soon unless we can find him an independent living situation so he can be on his own with support. We have used most of our retirement for needs that they have and the list goes on. BUT....in all of that...I have to rejoice because today, in spanish class, my boys said a memory verse all on their own In Spanish and did pretty well. I was almost in tears because it is very hard for them to learn. no one in that class knew the depth of their accomplishment today. No one except me!

Mama Drama Times Two said...

You are, indeed, more than good enough!

Anonymous said...

J, we're all TV show moms... Some of us are Roseanne... Others are June Cleaver... I'd like to think that most of us meet somewhere between Peg Bundy and Claire Huxtable... We'd like to all be together, attractive, classy, organized, and rearing nearly perfectly behaved children.
It is, apparently, OK that we aren't.
The important thing is we love the little brats... I mean __darlings__ and we work out rears off to keep them in better shape than they came to us in.
Just remember, even June got a break on occasion, and her kids were near angels.

Mom 4 Kids said...

LMBO at your previous comment, "The important thing is we love the little brats!" Ain't it the truth!

You are an awesome parent! I can not presently see the floor in the back of my van and a week ago my Mr. had a complete breakdown because he wanted to show the Behavior Guy something in my room and there was no way I was letting that guy in my bedroom because honestly he might get lost in the junk or a dust bunny might eat him and then I'd have a whole missing person problem to deal with.

You Rock and don't forget it!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

My goal.... generally adequate on most days.

Your job would kick the estee lauder perfume right off of the dressy moms. Seriously. If most people spent a day with your kids she would be hanging off a bridge begging for her life.

You are keeping it together, just your pile is 98% higher than most!