Thursday, January 13, 2011

Healing, really it is.

Calvin had a tantrum last night, that much was clear from my post. I was not feeling well and asked him to help me by vacuuming up the pine needles from the tree off the living room carpet. He happily agreed and then decided it was actually work and did not want to do it. After the 3rd attempt of saying he was done when he clearly was not I said fine, you go fold the laundry and I will do this. Well that was a mistake because he started by turning the vacuum off while I was using it and then disappeared (fight then flight) into his room, then he tried to run through the house and I said to stay in his room and he actually went back. I closed his bedroom door and told him I would be back. He wailed (as though someone had just killed his cat) for some time.

I went back about 10 minutes later to talk to him, he wailed and yelled at me some more. He yelled a tale of woe about kids at school and blamed them for his behaviour. I tried to talk it through with him and then I tried to calm him and when it became clear I was not getting anywhere I left again saying I would be back soon.

Repeat the above every 10 minutes for almost 2 hours. He stayed in his room the whole time although he did try some of his old tricks while there.

Then finally the switch flipped and he told what was really happened, that he had a made a choice in gym that led to him being excluded by the other kids. He could see that it was his choice that led to them excluding him. He could understand that he could of done things differently and he was accountable for his actions. As exhausted as I was, that gave me so much hope for him. The tantrum with me really was secondary in that moment because he processed his feelings, apologised for taking it out on me and me and we moved on.

And that my friends is healing and I will help him through it time and time again until he can get there on his own.


Rubypat said...

Well done - and Way to Go for Calvin. It is great that he is realising the consequences of his actions instead of just blaming others. You are doing a magnificent job - keep it up!

Mama Drama Times Two said...

The personal responsibility piece is HUGE for our kids...the feelings of shame and misery overriding everything else. YUK. Good work Calvin...

Michelle, Dave & Babes said...

Oh my, for a second there (round the wailing and screaming) I thought you were writing about my son. But then you talked about accepting responsibility and actually talking about things at school. So you sure aren't.

That's actually great. Feelings and identifying where his choices caused him problems. Not blame, just responsibility. Wow.

Integrity Singer said...


as in holy-freakin-crap-wow

Sissy has NEVER gotten to that step.

i think I'm jealous!

GB's Mom said...

He has come so far! You and Calvin are awesome! (Not every mom would come back every ten minutes for TWO hours!!!)