big questions

It's funny how life works, well funny is not the right word but I don't really know what the right word so I will stick with funny.

On Sunday while we were watching our munchkins run around and stuff their faces with donuts after church I was rocking a friends baby in his carseat. I was standing there alone, rocking the baby and wondering how exactly the universe works. How it was that all these friends of mine who have big families (most have at least 3 kids, some have 5 or 6, all bio kids) have managed to have healthy, neurotypical kids. In a world where there are so many kids with special needs how is it that none of these parents have one. I am talking about 30 or so kids. What are the odds there, why did it work out that way? I did not come to any great conclusions, I just stood there wondering to myself. Then I moved on to talking about Stellar Moments with some of the other Moms, accidently leaving babies alone, leaf raking early in the morning so the kids wouldn't be to tired to finish and other day to day moments.

Last night I got a phone call from one of our church friends H, he needed to know how to post a note on Facebook, we chatted and I checked in to know if everything was okay, his voice faltered, no it's not he said. H and his wife R are expecting their 7th child in March, they learned last Friday that there was problem at a rountine ultrasound. To make a long story short their daughter has a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH) and most probably had Down's as well. They are devasteated to say the least. Apparently the CDH is rather large and the Dr is very concerned about lung development and has given them a 50/50 rate of survival.

As I stood there on Sunday and contemplated the universe they knew that their child was not well. They knew that they  may have to carry a child to term and then  perhaps watch her die because there was little hope of survival or perhaps walk the long journey that is life in the NICU.  They were carrying this burden alone because they were not yet ready to tell their friends.

I am struggling with the universe today, with the big questions of why things are the way they are, not just with this news but with lots of other things that have been going on in my world as well. Nothing bad, just stuff that makes me wonder why. 

It's funny how that theology degree I spent all that money getting doesn't help me to answer any of the universes big questions.