Thursday, December 17, 2009

big sigh

I just spent a soul crushing morning reading my Fudge's file about his life in care and with his birth mom. It had to be done as we need evidence to back up our claims to get him a neuropsych evalution through our local Children's hospital. I sat with one of the social workers I know rather well and read through things that I have seen before but not for awhile, not since I fell in love with my boy. Last time I read them he was still just another kid, a kid who might be mine one day.

It makes me sad that my kids had to go through all that shit to get to where they are now. Sad that the universe dealt them such a crappy hand so early in life. After 2 hours of reading and copying some questions have been answered and some have not. I have paper, lots of paper and hopefully enough evidence to get the testing that he needs done.

There is no point to this post, I just needed to take a minute and get the thoughts out of my head.


Lisa said...

I try my hardest not to read that paperwork stuff after their arrival. I've had times that I had to go through it and I will sit and sob uncontrollably. It IS different reading it now and I hate it.

Sending a hug.

Corey said...

Yeah. Sometimes I wish my kids had a file. And sometimes I think it is better not knowing.