Thursday, December 31, 2009

I am so profoundly tired that I think I could sleep through the whole weekend if given the chance. The boys are plucking pulling on my last nerve and yesterday I was so frustrated with them I had to sit down on the stairs and have a bit of a cry before I could move on. It wasn’t a huge thing, they were not listening ( surprise, surprise!) and thought that it would be a good day to see what Mama would do when they tried to play baseball in the playroom with silly putty, a tin lid and a dinosaur. I got mad, threatened to leave them home with Dad to miss out on the movie, then I cried, then I lectured and then I broke down and took them out anyway because I was looking forward to seeing Where the Wild Things Are and I knew they would enjoy it. ( there is lots to say about that movie and attachment but I need to watch it again)


After the movie Fudge looked at me and asked what we were doing next, I said going home, he said `` that’s all, well this wasn’t any fun`` Gee thanks bud. I get that it his mouth moving before he engages his brain, I get that it is not really his fault but I am so tired of the pushing, arguing and poor impulse control. Living with a small person who has special needs is really exhausting sometimes, living with 2 of them is really exhausting most of them time.

While Fudge is pulling on my last nerve from the left, Calvin is working at it from the right. They don’t ever pull at the same time though because they know that when I blow you better clear out, instead they work at getting me as close to the edge as possible. Calvin is playing all the games he can think of to show me that he is on control, it is nice that I can call him on the behaviour now but it is still tiring.

I mentioned on Monday about the new lying strategy that we are using, it is helping. There are 2 parts,

1) When he lies about something obvious and gives a reason for the behaviour I call him on it and then follow through with a natural consequence based on the lie that he claims is the truth. For example: Monday night he goes to the bathroom, eats a handful of multi vitamins for whatever reason and then goes back to bed. I discover this, call him on it as soon as he is out of bed in the morning and he tells me it is because he was hungry ( so not true) I say great, if that’s the reason than I guess I need to feed you more, he given the biggest bowl of oatmeal I could possibly make him eat ( he doesn’t like oatmeal) after he finished I offered him another bowl, because if he was so hungry to have to sneak things than he must not be eating enough. All of a sudden he was ready to tell me the truth. This usually works with him especially when he realises that he is not going to get anywhere unless he tells the truth.

2) Calvin would lie about his name if he thought that it might get him somewhere, he lies about nothing all the time, things that do not need to be lied about and then he loses track of the lies and gets his story all mixed up. This lying get’s him 10 minutes on the stairs, each and every time. No discussion, caught, stairs, timer set. This morning he was there for 10 minutes, lied again before he made it off the stairs and was there for another 10 minutes. This is working well because the lie is usually so obvious that there is no way anyone would believe him anyway. I just want him to stop and think before he makes stuff up.

We have tried other things and nothing seems to work, it is a deeply ingrained habit of self preservation and we just need to get him to move past it. A year ago I never would have been so strict about it but he can handle it now and it is helping.

A few of you have also asked about the watermelon brain. Here is the one we made at therapy, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing.



We had been talking about how his brain was learning new things about love and parents and how that all worked and how it was making new pathways. I reminded him of the brain I made for Halloween party as a point to reference and his therapist suggested we make one too. So we did.

That being said, I have friends coming over tonight and I not ready for them, the sushi is made but I am still in my pj's, not that these friends would care but I do feel as though I should at least be dressed and sweep up the pine needles before they get here.

Happy New Year, hope 2010 is a great one!

3 comments:

Lisa said...

Long hard day. I'm sorry. May tonight be calm and relaxing. Tomorrow too. ;)

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Isn't it awful how they know exactly, with the precision of a machinist how to get within 1 millimeter of your last nerve. Scream, that is my suggestion. Then shots of tequila.

waldenbunch said...

It is ALL exhausting. Normal parenting is, but RAD parenting is beyond exhaustion, beyond mental and emotional stress. It can seriously tear you apart. And it comes at you when you least expect it. If you want, read my blog for our latest "adventure".
http://waldenbunch.blogspot.com/