Thursday, May 6, 2010

well, I was calm

Thanks for all the great suggestions. After talking with P and Calvin's therapist I did come up with a pretty good plan of attack and I was doing wonderfully, all empathetic and calm, loving and providing space but still expressing my emotions, we talked about what I did as a kid, about how his stealing made me feel now... it was all going so well till the switch flipped in his brain and the calm rational child was replaced by one who threw a metal napkin ring at my head and tried to flip the dinning room table over. After numerous warnings about all of us staying safe he crossed the line.

We spent 40 minutes with me restraining him on the porch while he screamed blue murder. Patrick had a late client and so I was flying solo. I am bruised and battered, he is getting to big for me to restrain him safely.

He is calm now. He made his list of chores to do to pay me back the money he stole. I did not treat Fudge to anything although a part of me was really tempted even though it would have created all sorts of problems.

It's 6:35, I only just got dinner in the oven. It is going to be a late night but dinner was already half made when Calvin started raging and I was not going to start a different meal.

Yeah and by the way - if there wasn't enough going on for Calvin today the class bully called him " the fucking adopted kid" again. He got in trouble and was excluded from class for the day but as if I needed to deal with that anger on top of stealing and mother's day


GB's Mom said...

It always seems to happen that way- on days where you don't need anything extra.

Tammy said...

Yep, what GB said. It's amazing how far you can be stretched... hurts though. I am praying that you all have an exceptionally good weekend.

Diana said...

Oh stink. I'm so sorry. YOU did great, though, my friend. Keep on keeping on. It hurts like crazy and it's hard as hell, but you are an awesome mom! Treat yourself to a nice, long hot bubble bath and a good cry once the kids are in bed. (((hugs!!!)))

Lisa said...

This is the definition of a bad day. It's in Webster's. I checked.

I'm so sorry. Ditto to everyone else and seriously do something really nice for yourself.

Mama Drama Times Two said...

I am impressed you stayed calm....sorry you had such an icky day.

Mom 4 Kids said...

Sounds like you were all kinds of awesome there Mom!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Yikes! I came in late to the whole situation, but all the really great suggestions were mentioned already.

Here is something Heather Forbes might recommend. At the time you were talking to him about it, and would be processing what he needed emotionally at the time he did the stealing, you would tell him you wished you could have been there with him when he was feeling 'blank' to help him through it, and you are sorry to him that you were not able to be there. Does that make sense? So you and he would identify what was negative and you would apologize for not being there at the moment he felt bad.

Anyway, it sounds like a really suck ass day. And by the way, I am REALLY pissed off about that nasty-mouthed kid!

Carol said...

I know what you are going through, oh so well....oh--and when DD stole money from us, she had to do the same thing--earn money from chores to pay me/us back. Then a lock went onto the bedroom door and all change and other money is locked in there. We lock that door every time we aren't there to supervise.

My DD is at the point now where she IS too big to restrain. And I don't know what to do any more. She's in the hospital now, and hopefully they'll have some ideas.