Friday, October 22, 2010

healing for some?

Calvin had a bowel biopsy this morning, he handled it well, as well as I expect that any 10 year old would. He was nervous and quiet until he felt settled in the play room and then he interacted with the volunteers and talked to me about what he was doing. He talked to nurses and asked questions. He was trooper. We came home and he ate some soup watched a movie and then sat and played on his own. He had this great imaginary game going on where he was traveling and packing his bags. Playing imaginary games is hard for kids like mine, I remember the first time I saw Calvin set up a tea party I was so excited. Fudge is not there yet, he will play imaginary games with Calvin but not on his own, he does not play anything on his own yet. He will get there though ( which I say because I am in hopeful place with him at this exact moment in time).

Calvin acted like a pretty average kid all day and it was wonderful to see considering so many people told us that it would never happen, that he would never be like other kids. Don't get me wrong, he has his moments but when I see him behaving like this it makes my heart sing. He can do it, he is capable of it and I am reasonably confident that as he continues to heal these days will continue to become more frequent.

I heard yesterday that the boys biological sister T was moved again. I will not get into the specifics of just how angry and hurt I am that no one bothered to tell us and that she missed Fudge's birthday party. I will also not get into the fact that the fallout that she had with her foster family was timed to coincide with her birthday and the children's apprehension anniversary and then moved her! I will however say that I am beyond angry for her and for her brothers. She has RAD, no one will admit it and no one seems willing to challenge her to heal, they just keeping moving her around because that is the easiest solution.

I struggle with how she will continue to fit into the lives of our children, of how to advocate for her and to be a positive influence in her life. At one point we offered to take her but she was younger then and Calvin was not yet attached to us. It would of been a different journey but one that I felt that we could handle. I can not offer to take her again, it would not be in the boys best interest to have her here but I must admit that I feel guilty knowing that her brothers are going to be loved and cherished as they should be and she is not. They are going to have birthdays and holidays and extended family and T will be left floundering, struggling, wondering about where she will be next. She wants to go back to their birthmom and although birthmom is clean and sober now I can not even imagine how she would cope with a teenager with RAD.

As usual I have no answers, just questions and feelings that leave me wondering about how all of these things are going to play out as my sons grow into men.


Diana said...

I'd be beyond mad, too. Is she available for adoption? If so, can you post pictures and advocate for her...or does the system not allow you to do that?

Yeah that Calvin is making progress. No matter what color it is or how big it is, there is still only one way eat an elephant - and that's one bite at a time. Yeah for him for taking another bite.

GB's Mom said...

Yeah Calvin!

The system sucks!

Mama Drama Times Two said...

Good for Calvin to be able to realx on such a stressful day - play is so hard for our guys too. - they'd rather pace and pester than play. *sigh* That is awful that T has been moved again. The system sometimes does more harm than good.