Friday, June 3, 2011

chaos

Fudge thrives on chaos. I think that it makes him feel calmer inside to know that everything around him is turned upside down. He has spent a great deal of that last week of his life creating chaos both at home and elsewhere. I am worn out and close to the edge, I have yelled at him more times than is good and now I am paying the price because he knows that he is annoying me so he just keeps doing it.

Luckily for me P was home last night and I was in a good mood this morning and P was home this morning as well and we out crazied his crazy behaviour and moved on. He was going on and on about being yelled at even though no one yelled at him so I had him close his eyes,I spun him around, put his hands on his head, stick out his tongue and say I love you. It worked, it broke the pattern but oh my he was making me crazy.

Last night he turned a little tiny thing into a huge 20 minute tantrum, it was really just a little thing that he did to annoy Calvin, no one was mad we just wanted him to repeat what he said... you would think that we pulled a gun on him the way he reacted to the simple request to repeat himself. Dinner was late, we listened to him yell, both boys were in tears and P and I just stood there looking at one another wondering when we got an invite to live in crazytown - who lives like this - trauma mamas and papas that's who.

I am a better parent when I have had enough sleep, caffeine, food and P is home. I can parent just fine without P but he helps keep things calm by dealing with Fudge's increasing behaviours and at least 3 times this week I have needed him to deal with Fudge because other wise I would just yell at him.

Fudge can trigger my anger in a way that shocks and worries me. He knows how to push my buttons in a way that I have never encountered in a small person before. I know that, it helps that I know that because it allows me to process his behaviour and it also helps me to step away and let someone else deal with him.

Today when we were at the optometrist I sent Fudge in to the exam room alone because I knew that if we were together I would just constantly be telling him to stop playing with things and fidgeting while the optometrist was going to be a whole lot more patient than I was. I sat in the waiting room and knit instead until I had to go in because he needs glasses, like his brother, which is a whole different post for a different day.

It has been hard to learn where my edge with Fudge but I know now and whenever I can I pass the reigns to P. I  need to say that I commend single parents, I do not know how you do it, really I have no idea. I also need to say that P keeps me sane and makes me be a better parent. Sometimes we disagree but mostly we are on the same parenting page and that makes being a mother to my boys a whole lot easier.

4 comments:

KJ said...

Sending him in without you was SMART! I went to a playdate today with R and W (because it was a good friend and short and we were hanging) and next thing you knew, I was snapping at Rory. Don't hang on their dog! Mimi just gave you a snack, don't ask for another snack! Don't hang out in their kitchen! Leave that alone put that down!
After a bit she sat down behind me and started pushing. I wan' you leave, she said. Why you still here?

I know we'll never eliminate the button pushing. Our only hope is to work on the buttons...

Mama Drama Times Two said...

Tell P he rocks...Totally rocks!!!!Like, if he was a girl he'd be bunking in the Haven with our motley crew.....

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

I think sometimes they want to make their outside match their inside.

This does not help when living with it though. I like how you "turned it around" with him, that's awesome!

Acceptance with Joy said...

I can relate very well to this post. I need my husband. If I had to be the only one 24 hours a day I would definitely struggle more. Sunday through Tuesday - and sometimes Wednesday, the kids don't see my hubby at all since he works long hours. Soon as that part of the week is over things get less stressful because we can share the load.