Thursday, March 4, 2010

so last week

So last week I had a comment, I published the comment even though person who left it did not have it in them to leave a name or link. It said " so it is the school's fault that your son assaulted someone with a chair" or something along those lines. I thought I would respond to my friend anonymous publicly since I have no other way of tracking them down.

The short answer is yes, it is their fault because they did not do what they needed to do to keep the other children safe.

Calvin really struggles with his anger, he lashes out all the time at other kids. He has an IEP at school for behaviour and when he was younger he had a full time aid just to help get him through the day. He is a very angry kid, ( with lots of good reasons to be) and when he switched to the junior elementary this year I begged them to sit down with me and make a plan. I did not want him to hurt anyone else.

They would not listen.

I finally got them to hear me, we planned a meeting and then half of his classroom team did not come to the meeting. We planned some strategies out and wrote them for those who were not there. I took his therapist with me, we were pretty honest about what he is capable of and how quickly a situation can get out of hand.

Fast Forward to January.

His behaviour continued to escalate at school, I warned them that he was going to blow. He did, he raged at school and starting throwing stuff. I begged them to do more, to make a safety plan for him, to keep him in line of sight and such. They did not do anything. The other kids started teasing him more, started to enjoy the show he was putting on. No one stopped them.

Finally when another kid teased him about being adopted he blew and threw the chair. I am a teacher, I have seen this happen with other kids, I have also stopped it from happening. There is no reason for it to of happened at all, if they had been meeting his needs and watching him he would not of been alone in groups of kids who are known bullies. If they had been implementing his IEP he would of been near a teacher and not alone. If they had been listening tohim they would of seen and heard that he was already close to the edge from the morning events and taken care to keep other safe.

But they did not, so yes it is their fault that he threw the chair. He made the choice to do, he needs to be accountable for the choices he made but he is a boy who has been through more than any child should have to and they adults in that school have to be accountable too. They are making different choices now, now they are keeping him safe by limiting the interaction he has with other kids who might bully him. You can tell me that this is the real world and has to learn to deal with other people and you are right he does have to learn, but not today.
Today he needs learn that he is loved and safe and that no matter what he is always going to be protected. Once he learns that we will work on life in the real world.


Charmingjessie said...

I absolutely agree with you! My husband and I are both special educators and we've adopted 2 girls, one from each of our classrooms. :-) My oldest, Belinda is an angel at home, but attacks her teacher on a frequent basis. Her teacher will not follow the guidelines we set up at the ARD regarding triggers and how to handle them. She argues with us over everything, even with letters from B's psychiatrist, medical doctor and case manager agreeing with our stance. I've stopped holding her accountable at home for school behavior. Between Belinda and her teacher, only one of them has profound mental retardation. I'm beginning to wonder which one....

GB's Mom said...

First things first! You have your priorities right were they should be.

Shanti said...

i agree--your priorities are right where they are supposed to be!

Jennie said...

as I currently beat my head against a brick wall trying to get a proper education plan for Sissy, I've learned to lovely tidbits that have buoyed my resolve:

#1) from the IFI team: mental health concerns trump every other academic need

#2) from another reader of my blog: if the powers that be make the wrong choices for Sissy, it's THEIR fault, not mine.

Mom 4 Kids said...

LOVE this post, so well said! I can totally hear your Mama heart that stands up for her kids and at the same time teaches them responsibility for their choices in life. On the "real world" I loved what you said, "he does have to learn, but not today." Awesome! stellar parenting for sure, you rock!

MomInTheTrench said...

Good response, good job.

Maybe next time the professionals will listen to you, even though you are JUST a MOM.