feeling a little raw

I am feeling a little raw this morning, raw as in emotional, not as in undercooked.

Calvin has had an amazing few weeks and although I am cursing the goodness by saying it aloud it has been fabulous. Even though I yelled at him long and loud on Saturday and made all sorts of useless threats about taking away toys he managed to keep it together and have a fantastic week. He also got an award at school this week for achievement and I thought his head was going to explode he was so proud of himself.

I just saw pictures of my niece who just finished grade 8 and it made me cry. She is growing up, all kids do but in this case they are so very far away and there is no way that I will be able to see them anytime soon and going more than a year in between visits is really hard for me. It is a complicated tale of family dynamics that I will not launch into here but the reality is that if I do not get on a plane and go there I will not see her or her brothers and that makes me sad because we do not have the money for plane tickets this year and it may be awhile before we do.

On Tuesday night our family was honoured by the agency where our children's therapists work for all the work we have done together. It took every ounce of self control that I had not to cry my eyes out because oh my God is has been hard sometimes and it continues to be really  sometimes. When I signed up for this I never knew just how hard and exhausting it would get. It was so nice to be acknowledged and to know that others are seeing just how very hard we are working to make this all come together, to make a group of four very different people become a family.

Fudge is, well he's Fudge, he is about 4 developmentally at the moment and oh so very 4. If I start telling you about his last week I will be here all day but quick highlights include, choking someone at school, taking 10 of his asthma pills at once because they taste like candy and he thought it would be a good idea, admitting that he only ever tells the truth to Dad, telling me that I do not love him enough, punching a kid in the head over a pencil, yelling, screaming and generally just being miserable. Hopefully things will calm down, today is the last day of school and once we get through the next few days hopefully things will be easier for him as we adjust to summer routines.

Calvin will be 10 Sunday, I am spending every waking moment in the next 2 days setting up for summer camp and then on Monday running it for 3 days and then I will be cleaning it all up. Oh and there is a party tomorrow night which I am looking forward to as it will be a much needed social night and P is going to hang out with the boys tonight in another town far enough away that he is spending the night. On Sunday we are going to the water slides with the siblings to celebrate Calvin's birthday and I still have to plan a picnic, make cupcakes, wrap presents and find time to do it in the little bit of time that I may have between now and then.

That all being said I will not  be around much till after the 30th, don't have to much fun without me, ok.

And before I could even hit publish Fudge let the dogs out of their crates, one dog went downstairs, drank water and threw up, again. This went on last week, then she seemed better so we cancelled the vet appt. on Wed and now that I have zero time she is throwing up again, back to rice and hamburger for her and perhaps she needs to stop being so obsessive about licking herself because I know that it is the hair in her belly that is causing all the problems.